It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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