she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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