Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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