My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
