While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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