omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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