Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
