I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize