I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
