Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
