she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
