I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
