i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
