At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
