Small penises have feelings too.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
