I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
