I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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