my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Randomize
