found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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