One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
