I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
