i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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