I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
