I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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