I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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