At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize