just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
