Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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