It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
