So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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