so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
