I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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