And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
