I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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