Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
At least make sure they are 18
Why
this boner is exhausting
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
