if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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