she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize