my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
