dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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