omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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