you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
