Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
