He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i believe in u and ur pee
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
