i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
