FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You are the jesus of drinking
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
