It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
false alarm. still invincible.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
