Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We're using joints as your birthday candles
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
