Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
