everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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