Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
