oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
