Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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