Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
