The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
