I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We got so high we made milksteak
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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