a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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