Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
