Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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