I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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